Purim 5770 – For Entertainment Purposes Only
[Note: We do NOT endorse the Kashrut of any products listed]
And So if the Book of Esther is about Esther
And the Book of Ruth is about Ruth
Is the Book of Tanya about a woman named Tanya?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
We are now Observing Parshat Zachor in Yeshivat Machmirim min Hamachmirim. Here is the description as transcribed by the Press Corp covering the Olympic Laining Tryouts…
In a 3.5 hour long ritual, Parshat Zachor will be read sufficient times so as to cover all the Halachic Bases – a kind of Spring Training for Baaeli Q’riah.
First the entire Zachor must be read in full twice – once with Zecher and once with Zeicher
Second – every halachic permutation for the proper Torah and Masoretic text must be accommodated. What good is Zachor with Zecher if the sefer is not correct!? Thus Ashkenazic scrolls, Rambam Scrolls, Chabad Scrolls, Mitnagged scrolls etc. must be supplied using every version of Sta”m Ashurit EG Beth Yosef and Arizal etc.
Third every communal pronunciation must also be accounted for
EG:
- Teimani
- Moroccan
- Syrian
- Yekke
- Spanish-Portuguese
- Litvisher
- Hungarian
- Polish
- Galician
- Romanian
- Modern Israeli
- Etc.
Must also be lained in conjunction for all of the above.
The Ritual takes about 3.5 hours to read the 3 verses enough times to satisfy everyone. The amount of otyot read accumulates to 75,000 which matches the death toll in Persia on the 13th of Adar.
After the marathon laining is over, everyone is too tired to eat so a cup of wine is consumed for kiddush, and then the community then takes its Shabbat nap, giving this yeshiva of machmirim a head start on ad d’lo yada before the rest of the world rests.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
New Humra - Olympic Glatt
Traditionally Kosher Meat has been classified into a stratified hierarchy:
- Kosher
- Glatt Kosher
- Beth Joseph Glatt Kosher.
And now in Honor of the Vancouver Winter Olympics we introduce to the Podium:
“Olympic Glatt Kosher”
With OGK – when inspecting the lungs the new procedure will be performed by
an Olympic ice skater who will verify the smoothness of the lung by SKATING on it.
There is already a Machloqet how this is done
A. Rabbi Oh! No! says:
Use a Speed Skater
B. Rabbi Lutz Says
Use a Figure Skater – he should figure 8 out
C. R Langenbrunner says
A Hockey Player should CHECK the lungs
Within “A” some say
Short Track [kitzur b'diqah]
Others are mattir ANY Speed skater
Others mattir ANY Olympic Skater
And some say women’s figure skaters are not allowed because of mar’it ayin – Meaning No staring at their FIGURES
Any lung smooth enough for ice skating will be deemed Olympic Glatt. Rejects will be tested for lesser forms of smoothness and sent DOWNHILL to lesser forms of Kosher before being disqualified
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It seems Hazal claim that Achashveirosh [XERXES] was a tippesh - IOW stupid
think v’nahapoch Hu
In the first half of the Megillah the Jews suffer
In the second half Haman and his allies suffer
But all the while Achashveirosh is partying along having a merry ol time – and always running with the front-runner
This reminds of Italy during WWI and WWII. Always joining the side that’s winning. Doesn’t sound so stupid now, does it?
Have your own v’nahapoch hu this Purim
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Kol ho’omer davar b’sheim omro meivi g’ulah l’olam Avot 6:6
I always wondered how that could work?
How does citing the proper source bring g’ula?
Shloymie: Rabbi Wolpoe – with all due respect. [WADR] you overlook the obvious
RRW: How so?
Shloymie: L’mashal - if Rambam says to behave a certain way, or to observe a certain dynamic, or to think along certain lines – we have to follow the Rambam
RRW: – and so?
Shloymie: BUT if we can say b’sheim omro that the source is Aristotle we are freed from obeying! Since who is Aristotle to tell us how to think or behave?
RRW: AHA
Shloymie: and so this rescue from his strictures is a form of g’ulah
RRW: any more?
Shloymie: You surprise me! L’mashal say R Yisroel Salanter minted thirteen middos of behaviour to emulate on a rotational basis.
RRW: Go on.
Shloymie: But if we were to l’mashal find out that those same middos were penned 100 years earlier by Benjamin Franklin in his Autobiography – it would change everything! Once we would know the sheim om’ro, we are no longer m’chuyyav to observe these middos - because they have an alien basis.
RRW: I see! So b’sheim Om’ro brings g’ulah by ad hominem attacking the source and side-stepping the wisdom or advice beig offered!.
Shloymie: Exactly! Now you got it Rabbi! V’nahapoch Hu!